SERIES PENULTIMATE: Fondue Friday brings Christmas date into focus for Fionnula as Frankie investigates running away with the circus. Writer Anna Daniels documents their Christmas capers.
Catch up on the series:
I've always suspected myself a genius. Last night I proved my assumption to be correct. As the popular carol instructs, I'd decked the halls with fields of holly, and, most importantly, ....mistletoe.
I'd prepared a punch strong enough to strip the paint off a Ken Done. The fondue pot was out and, in addition, I'd made mince pies, a cob loaf dip with french onion soup, and devils on horseback. The Michael Buble Christmas CD was on repeat. That's all very admirable, I know, but here's the genius part. I only invited four people. My guests last night were Frankie, Fionnula, Leo and Ted.
After the boys arrived, Ken and I made ourselves scarce. Sizzler were having a two for one deal, so it was really a no-brainer to dine out. We then attended the city council's Carols by Candlelight over at the music bowl. I'll let the girls relay what happened in my absence.
How about mum? The crafty fox. When she insisted on Fionnula and I attending her Fondue Friday I googled "How do you run away and join the Moscow Circus?" But then the doorbell rang, and I was face to face with Leo and Ted. They were both grinning back at me. One of them held flowers, and the other, a Cadbury's Milk Tray. Talk about old school.
I led them into the loungeroom, where mum was running around stringing up sprigs of mistletoe. I acted as if this was normal Lynnie behaviour, but desperately wanted to creep under the lino beneath the Christmas tree. Thankfully, the Michael Buble carols CD was playing so loudly that we could all sit around the coffee table and nibble on mince pies without feeling the need to speak.
It was then that mum and dad suddenly vanished, and Fionnula arrived. Clearly, Fi was similarly perplexed by the situation, but, bless her, she'd turned up with a carton of CC and Dry, and a big smile.
One of many attributes I love about the woman is that she'll always bring the party. By this stage, we'd all figured it out...there was no one else coming.
We decided then to deal with the circumstances maturely. It was agreed that every time Michael Buble sang Let It Snow, we would each scull a glass of mum's punch. I don't know if you've heard Let It Snow recently, but the phrase is mentioned 18 times. Talk about 'tis the season to be jolly!
By the time Micky Boobs had spun around again we were higher than Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen on Christmas Eve. In actual fact, we decided to adopt these names. Leo was Dasher and I was Dancer, Ted was Prancer and Fionnula was Vixen.
To be honest, I thought our reindeer alter egos suited each of us down to the ground. Inspired by my nickname, I spent a good part of the evening twirling around the kitchen with the dashing Leo. When we twirled back into the loungeroom, Fionnula was kissing Ted underneath the mistletoe. The vixen had made her move.
Leo and I were delighted, and enthusiastically applauded from the sidelines, but they took no notice. Leo turned to me and yelled, "I've broken up with Kate!"
To which I yelled back, "Yes, it is getting late." He held my hand and shouted, "No, I'm single."
And I shouted back, "Mum might have some Pringles."
He kissed me, and suddenly I understood all he'd been trying to say.
That's when mum and dad came home.
They entered the loungeroom to find all of us amorously wishing each other a Happy New Year. Wisely deciding not to burst our romantic bubbles with news that the end of year was still a fortnight away, mum popped a bottle of Moet and toasted the arrival of 2016. By this stage we'd turned down Mr Buble and were in a group hug singing Auld Lang Syne.
I woke up the next morning with the french onion soup cob loaf balanced on my lap, and Leo beside me on the couch.
This week's column is brought to you by the travel experts at Flight Centre. Follow Frankie and Fionnula on their Australian travels with these super hot backyard deals. Call 133 133 or visit flightcentre.com.au/holidays/australian-holidays for more details.
Before I went to Lynnie's Fondue Friday I did some number crunching and realised it was only one week until Christmas. (PS, I'd also done some ab crunching. Yes, I met my challenge from last week and signed up to Perfect Fit on the southside).
Anyway, with our Christmas countdown concluding in seven days I realised the only way to transform my life in such a short time was to sell the salon and move to Mexico. I was about to advertise the business online when I noticed Louise, my persian princess, clawing ferociously at a BWS flyer.
She was making an awful mess, so I picked up the flyer and spotted a carton of CC and Dry on special. I decided to sleep on my decision to list the salon, drove directly to BWS, and then on to Frankie's. Wow! Never again will I be able to listen to Let It Snow in the same way. Let's just say that with the aid of Michael Buble, I ticked My Grown-Up Christmas List.
NEXT WEEK: Christmas has arrived, and it's the final week for Fionnula and Frankie's Countdown. Will the girls live happily ever after? And where are they partying in the new year? Don't miss the series finale. And for more humour from Anna Daniels, head to http://www.annamdaniels.com.
This week's column is brought to you by the travel experts at Flight Centre. Follow Frankie and Fionnula on their Australian travels with these super hot backyard deals. Call 133 133 or visit http://www.flightcentre.com.au/holidays/australian-holidays for more details.
Update your news preferences and get the latest news delivered to your inbox.