This $1.9m home in Wynnum, Queensland, has one very big problem. Picture: Supplied
This $1.9m home in Wynnum, Queensland, has one very big problem. Picture: Supplied

‘Bizarre’ ensuite horrifying the internet

Recently, a luxury Brisbane home that went viral internationally for its totally open plan ensuite failed to sell at auction.

The owner had deliberately removed the walls in a renovation to make the $1.9 million house more on trend.

"A lot of people were doubting me but it's the 'in' thing," he said at the time.

Not only did the owner leave the bath and sink in full view of the bed, he decided to remove all privacy barriers from that most intimate of bathroom spaces: the loo.

"That's me going to the petrol station to pee then," responded one Twitter user.

Watch your partner on the toilet from the comfort of your own bed. Picture: Supplied
Watch your partner on the toilet from the comfort of your own bed. Picture: Supplied

Though the bold reno has so far failed to secure a buyer, the owner, and Brisbane realtors, should not despair.

Doubters may doubt, and those with a full bladder may flee the property, but there is hope.

The failure of the home to sell may be less a product of a bizarre, slightly disturbing design and more a product of poor advertising.

After all, there are plenty of people who would welcome the opportunity to have a toilet on full display in their bedroom. The property simply needs to be marketed directly to them.

For example:

SINGLE MEN ON TINDER

I know how many of you single men on Tinder are fond of toilets. This is clear from the fact that you include toilet selfies in your dating profiles as the ideal way to sell yourself to the opposite sex. This Brisbane home represents a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for a toilet aficionado like yourself to actually share your bedroom with the object of your affections. You will see a toilet last thing before you go to sleep and first thing when you open your eyes in the morning. Photography optional!

Troy Williamson is very pleased with his open plan ensuite renovation. Picture: Annette Dew
Troy Williamson is very pleased with his open plan ensuite renovation. Picture: Annette Dew

PARENTS WITH OLDER CHILDREN

Now, parents of young children tend to barricade themselves in their bathrooms simply to get away from the kids, and so a doorless toilet would not suit them at all. However, I know that as a parent of older kids, you are less interested in running away from them and more interested in encouraging them not to bother you in the first place.

The open plan ensuite gives you and your partner a fabulous opportunity to keep the kids far away. As you know, older kids are horrified by the sight of their parents on the loo. You will only need to allow them to stumble upon you toileting once to ensure they will never, ever approach the bedroom again. It is an excellent option for those of you who wish the master bedroom to be a true retreat.

Another sexy toilet features in this bedroom. Picture: Supplied
Another sexy toilet features in this bedroom. Picture: Supplied

CHILDFREE COUPLES

This is, without question, the perfect home for you childfree couples who wish to remain childfree. The ensuite bathroom works as a highly effective contraceptive, ensuring no unwanted pregnancies or offspring. Once you have watched your partner use the toilet after a few too many beers and a large pizza, there will be no lovemaking for the foreseeable future. And once he has watched you remove those stubborn ingrown hairs from your bikini line, he will quickly lose the urge.

What's more, as the images of the bathroom usage will be burned permanently in your brains, the contraceptive effects will be virtually irreversible.

SINGLE WOMEN

For you single ladies who make bad romantic decisions, this home can be the perfect solution for your dating woes. No longer will you impulsively bring men home and then later regret your decision. You will not bring men home at all because you will be mindful of the fact that you are not just bringing him home for sex - you are bringing him home to watch you urinate.

Chances are, you will never date again. Problem solved.

Another problematic open plan ensuite. Picture: Supplied
Another problematic open plan ensuite. Picture: Supplied

VERY ELDERLY PEOPLE

If you can't see well, can't hear well and have a diminished sense of smell, the loo isn't going to bother you at all.

Realtors of Brisbane: you are welcome.

Kerri Sackville is a freelance writer and author of Out There: A Survival Guide for Dating in Midlife. Continue the conversation @KerriSackville


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