$1.50 Coles item takes ‘lazy’ to new heights
Australians are a busy people - each day brings with it an endless list of things to do, places to be, and cr*p to deal with.
And after a day of dealing with said cr*p, the last thing any of us want to bother with is prepare a meal from scratch.
That's where pre-prepared food comes in mighty handy, from frozen meals and jars of curry paste, to pre-cooked pasta and accompanying tubs of sauce.
I'm the first one to fill my trolley with a box of microwave mac and cheese and a pre-made tiramisu after a long day at work.
Then, after all of this - and a couple of glasses of wine - there's nothing easier than shoving a handful of pre-made Caesar salad and a can of tuna in a Tupperware container for tomorrow's lunch and hitting the sack.
But on a recent trip to my local Coles, I was was brought to a standstill when I came across possibly the most absurd product I have ever encountered.
A plastic tub, containing the diced remnants of a single brown onion …
Advertised as "perfectly diced onion for no more tears!", these tubs usually sell for $1.50, but were on special for 75 cents this week.
To me, the idea that someone could be so utterly lazy that they would avoid picking up a knife to dice their own damn bulb seemed ludicrous.
It literally takes two minutes.
After moving along the aisle, it occurred to me that this product signalled that Australia may have just reached peak laziness.
I mean, are we so incapable of chopping our own produce that we've resorted to making some stranger in a factory do it for us?
I can understand the temptation to purchase one of these pointless tubs, if you are perhaps a toddler who is unable to properly wield a knife without parental supervision.
I could also see why you might stray down that pre-chopped path if you only need one onion, rather than a whole bag - but allow me to recommend an alternative option.
Simply wander over to the onion barrel, pick out but one onion, and chop it your damn self.
It is also very clear to me the ability of a particularly pungent bulb to bring you tears quicker than the ending of Marley & Me.
But come on, people. Can we not just dice our own vegetables?
A Coles spokesman disagreed with my humble assessment, claiming their diced onions serve a multitude of purposes for the modern shopper.
"We know that cutting onions is a task many of our customers do not like - it can quite literally bring them to tears," the spokesman said.
"So this is another example of where Coles has done the work for you."
NOT JUST ME
Outraged, I did a bit of digging and found that I wasn't the only one taken aback by this bizarre offering.
The Northern Beaches Clean Up Crew posted a message on their Facebook page recently, condemning Coles over this particular product.
Their gripe was not only with the sheer slothfulness associated with a pre-chopped onion, but also the unnecessary amount of plastic used to package it.
"Are we really that lazy that we can no longer dice our own onions?" the group asked.
"Coles, please stop selling this!"
Many people agreed, claiming pre-chopped onions were absolutely "absurd".
"WHY IS THIS AT ALL NECESSARY," one cap-happy commenter wrote.
Another described the situation as "so sad it's laughable."
One man said the thought of dicing up a single onion for customers was "unbelievable".
"I won't shop at Coles anymore because of this kind of lunacy," he vowed.
The Coles spokesman offered an option to the eco-conscious Aussies out there.
"All the packaging for this product can be recycled through REDcycle soft plastic recycling bins which are available at all Coles supermarkets," he said.
NOT JUST COLES
Since the diced onions have gone on sale, several people claimed to have sent messages directly to the supermarket giant, expressing their anger at the "ridiculous" waste of time, resources and plastic.
But Coles isn't the only chain guilty of catering to lazy home cooks.
"My local Woolies had a whole cabinet of chopped up veg like this," one woman said.
"Surely you can't be that time poor!"
Trendy food chain Harris Farm Markets also offers chopped up fresh produce, according to one shopper.
"For broccoli and pumpkin and anything else they can think of. (All) while bragging about being plastic free and having signs out the front saying bring your own containers etc." she wrote.
NOT JUST FOR THE LAZY
Others rightly pointed out that having this option on supermarket shelves was about more than just convenience.
"Some people are unable to cut their own fruits, vegetables due to having disabilities," one woman pointed out.
Another woman said the chopped onions helped amputees or people living with conditions like arthritis.
"Many people … struggle to cut things like onions," she wrote. "And using a food processor for someone who has arthritis can also be difficult. It's not for us to judge why someone buys diced onion."
Just some food for thought.